Left Gene and right is Sam…
Loss is tough. Trust me in that I understand this all too well. Will you ever be the same? No. Your life has changed and you must change with it, at your own pace, in baby steps, and coming to terms with your loss.
Sam December 1989
Face it – grief can be hell, but we need not stay there in darkness. Easily written and hard to do. Growing up I had my shared of family deaths and they bothered me but I was able to move on until….
Bam! At age three years my baby brother passed away and a large gash simply ripped into me. I was 21 and my baby brother was an innocent little Down Syndrome boy who just couldn’t survive his heart repair surgery. I was hit with a ton of bricks. Slowly I worked my way past this and now have sweet memories of him.
Bam! One uncle and three grandparents passed away. I was devastated, poor, and couldn’t afford to go to any of the funerals. Again, I clawed my way out of grief and depression and persevered.
Christmas 1987 – Gene on left and Sam on right.
Bam! My oldest son, Shane, strangled on his umbilical cord while still inside me. Labor was induced, I birthed, and a small private burial was held afterwards. The gash was so deep that I couldn’t cope. Losing a child is the King of Loss. I struggled for a long time, and then life looked sunnier when I found myself pregnant again. Thanks be to God for a safe delivery of my middle son, Gene. I was born to be a mama and I doted on him. I missed Shane, but I had my beautiful little boy to care for, and I reveled in being a mama. Soon after, I found myself pregnant again. I praised God for allowing me to have yet a third baby, a boy named Sam. Two peas in a pod, best friends and buddies, and great at fighting with each other at times. Life was good.
Bam! Right before his 5th birthday, Sam was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma, a soft tissue cancer that for him, was located in the right side of his neck and extended into the cerebral fossa and into his brain cavity with mets to both lungs. My world with my boys came crashing down. In the end, Sam too, passed away. If you want to read about his life and story, When Angels Fly, can be obtained through Amazon. I’m not writing this blog piece to sell my book, but I do want to discuss feelings and thoughts and the grief process, especially grief regarding infant and child loss. The graphic below sums up the King of Loss.